Joke

[RickRuski]

The Italian Virginity Test.


Mario is planning to marry and asks his family doctor how he could tell if
his Bride-to-be is still a Virgin.

His doctor says ... "Mario, all the Italian men I know use three things for what we call
a Do-It-Yourself Virginity Test Kit ~~~ a small can of Red paint,
a small can of Blue paint, and a Shovel."

Mario asks ... "And what do I do with these things, doc?"

The doctor replies ... "Before you climb into bed on your wedding night,
you paint one of your balls Red and the other ball Blue.

If she says .... 'That's the strangest pair of balls I've ever seen !',

..........you hit her with the Shovel.

[335th_GRAthos]

Wow!


~s~

[RickRuski]

I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night, or "foreplay" as she likes to call it.

[RickRuski]

Loved the one about the darts Trumper

[RickRuski]

A lady walked into a pharmacy and spoke to the pharmacist.
She asked, 'Do you have Viagra?'

'Yes,' he answered.

She asked, 'Does it work?'

'Yes,' he answered.

'Can you get it over the counter?' she asked.

'I can if I take two,' he said.

[Trumper]

ROFL at the viagra joke


Here's one for the grandparents

The following were taken from papers written by a class of 8-year-olds:

WHAT IS A GRANDPARENT?
Grandparents are a lady and a man who have no little children of their own. They like other people's.

A grandfather is a man, & a grandmother is a lady!

Grandparents don't have to do anything except be there when we come to see them.. They are so old they shouldn't play hard or run. It is good if they drive us to the shops and give us money.

When they take us for walks, they slow down past things like pretty leaves and caterpillars.

They show us and talk to us about the colours of the flowers and also why we shouldn't step on 'cracks.'

They don't say, 'Hurry up.'

Usually grandmothers are fat but not too fat to tie your shoes.

They wear glasses and funny underwear.

They can take their teeth and gums out.

Grandparents don't have to be smart.

They have to answer questions like 'Why isn't God married?' and 'How come dogs chase cats?'

When they read to us, they don't skip. They don't mind if we ask for the same story over again.

Everybody should try to have a grandmother, especially if you don't have television because they are the only grownups who like to spend time with us.

They know we should have snack time before bed time, and they say prayers with us and kiss us even when we've acted bad.

MY GRANDMOTHER LIVES AT THE AIRPORT AND WHEN WE WANT HER, WE JUST GO GET HER. THEN WHEN WE'RE DONE HAVING HER VISIT, WE TAKE HER BACK TO THE AIRPORT.

GRANDPA IS THE SMARTEST MAN ON EARTH! HE TEACHES ME GOOD THINGS, BUT I DON'T GET TO SEE HIM ENOUGH TO GET AS SMART AS HIM!

It's funny when they bend over; you hear gas leaks, and they blame their dog.

Send this to other grandparents, almost grandparents, or heck, send it to everyone. It will make their day.

[335th_GRAthos]

Today's Short Reading from the Bible... from the book of Genesis:



"And God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the earth".

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Then he made the earth round... and He laughed and laughed and laughed!




~S~

[Alien]

I have a short and sadistic one:
If you're bored and have nothing to do, you can always lay your head on your shoulder, type sth on your keyboard and become Stephen Hawking!

[RickRuski]

Car Keys

Several days ago as I left a meeting at a hotel; I desperately gave myself a personal TSA pat down. I was looking for my keys. They were not in my pockets. A quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing.

Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car. Frantically, I headed for the parking lot.
My husband has scolded me many times for leaving the keys in the ignition.
My theory is the ignition is the best place not to lose them.
His theory is that the car will be stolen.

As I burst through the door, I came to a terrifying conclusion. His theory was right. The parking lot was empty.

I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen.

Then I made the most difficult call of all, "Honey," I stammered; ( I always call him "honey" in times like these.)
"I left my keys in the car and it's been stolen."

There was a period of silence. I thought the call had been dropped, but then I heard his voice.

"Are you kiddin' me", he barked, "I dropped you off"!!!!!!!

Now it was my time to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, "Well, come and get me."

He retorted, "I will, as soon as I convince this cop I didn't steal your car."

[TomcatViP]

Excellent !!!

Thx