aviation humour

[nearmiss]

Just another day on the job...

[Blackdog_kt]

Originally Posted by WTE_Galway

The pilot of a single engine charter plane, with a couple of very important executives on board, was coming into Seattle airport through thick fog with less than 10m visibility when his instruments went out. So he began circling around looking for landmark.

After half an hour or so, he is running on reserve fuel and the passengers are getting very nervous. Finally, a small opening in the fog appears and he sees a tall building with one guy working alone on the fifth floor. The pilot banks the plane around, rolls down the window and shouts to the guy "Hey, where am I? The solitary office worker replies "You're in a plane."

The pilot rolls up the window, turns to a heading of exactly 200 degrees and proceeds to execute a perfect blind landing on the main runway at SEATAC airport almost 20 miles away. Just as the plane stops, so does the engine as the fuel has run out.

The passengers are amazed and one asks how he did it. "Simple" replies the pilot, "I asked the guy in that building a simple question. The answer he gave me was 100 percent correct but absolutely X@%$# useless, therefore that must be Microsoft's support office and from there the main runway at Sea-Tac is 20 miles at a heading of 200 degrees."

Hahahah, that's just brilliant

[6S.Manu]

From Singloids (http://singloids.com/)














There are some problems with the image management in their site, so I'm going to translate some (but I think that NOOBSLAYER was the correct nick of "sventranovellini")



- OH MY GOD!!
- What's happening
- NOOBGUTTER has just connected to the game and panic is spreading between the other players
- NOOBGUTTER?
- It's his nickname, he's the Red Baron of combat flight sims: some say he's a russian top gun!
- Other say he's a serial killer from Minnesota with the passion for the flight sims
- Wait! He's disconnecting... he says that he has to leave for a cookies selling...
- Yes.. really.
- HONEY! Your little friends are waiting for you!
- I'm coming granma! I'm turning off my PC.


- Do you fly online tonight? Are you not scared of Noobgutter?
- Not if I take some precautions... Staying at high altitude there are less chances to meet him...
- So, what's your altitude?
- I don't know... what's the stratosphere altitude?


- Look at this!! Today I'm the leader of a 10 Spitfires formation, hunting over the channel.
- Ok, but why are your teammates scattering for the clouds?
- It's strange... it's like a flock in presence of a predator..
- I wonder what has scared them...


- That's Noobgutter's FW190 who flies at low altitude over the channel, after he has sown terror and destruction between my teammates.
- This time I can put him down! I got all the elements at my advantage! Probably he has not seen me.
- I can do it... I'm going to dive with the sun on my shoulders.
- Sid - has been killed by Noobgutter
- I think the element against you is that he does not fly like you do.


- Damnit! I have Noobgutter on my 6.
- I'm going to use some evasive manouvres so I can put him down. Lets start with a scissor, a Split-s...
- now a barrel roll, a dive and an immelman...
- Ok... I'm going to fire at him when I stop throwing up...


- Good! Today I have a new wingman.
- I dont' know him, but he seems a smart and tough pilot.
- His nick pormises well... EAGLE-EYE.
- Is this a monitor?


- Sid - Ehi Eagle-Eye... should we open a radio channel to coordinate ourselves?
- My wingman is a tough pilot.. he never respond to me.
- Honey, have you seen my eyeglasses?
- I have them on, you moron!


- Luckly tonight I'm flying with Eagle-Eye. This is the airspace of that Noobgutter sadist.
- Oh no! That's his FW190 at 3 o'clock! We're doomed!
- I can't believe it... Eagle-Eye has fired while looping and has hit him!
- Who knows... so this is the "Fire" button...


- Tonight I'm with Eagle-Eye again.
- We're flying over this airbase since 30 minutes, but I'm too shy for asking him the reason.
- Probably he's elaborating one of his great plans.
- HELP ME!!!







And at last my favourite:

- I'm scared that tonight my squad will not return to homebase...
- Why?
- I've just seen Noobgutter's FW190 and it seems she's in a bad humor (in one of former strips Sid realizes she is a girl)
- Don't be paranoid.. How can you know it?
- Let say I've more than a feeling...

Sorry for the translation mistakes.

[pupo162]

brillaint comics, i can relate to so many of them

[Marco37]

Cont: "AF1733, You are on an eight mile final for 27R. You have a UH-1 three miles ahead of you on final; reduce speed to 130 knots."
Pilot: "Rogo', Frankfurt. We're bringing this big bird back to one-hundred and thirty knots fer ya."
Cont: (a few moments later): "AF33, helicopter traffic at 90 knots now 1 1/2 miles ahead of you; reduce speed further to 110 knots."
Pilot: "AF thirty-three reining this here bird back further to 110 knots"
Cont: "AF33, you are three miles to touchdown, helicopter traffic now 1 mile ahead of you; reduce speed to 90 knots"
Pilot (a little miffed): "Sir, do you know what the stall speed of this here C-130 is?"
Cont: "No, but if you ask your co-pilot, he can probably tell you."


found at http://www.taphilo.com/aviation/humor.shtml:

Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!"
Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!"


Rules of Flying

1. Every takeoff is optional. Every landing is mandatory.

2. If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger. If you pull the stick back, they get smaller. That is, unless you keep pulling the stick all the way back, then they get bigger again.

3. Flying isn't dangerous. Crashing is what's dangerous.

4. It's always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here.

5. The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.

6. The propeller is just a big fan in front of the plane used to keep the pilot cool. When it stops, you can actually watch the pilot start sweating.

7. When in doubt, hold on to your altitude. No one has ever collided with the sky.

8. A 'good' landing is one from which you can walk away. A 'great' landing is one after which they can use the plane again.

9. Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make all of them yourself.

10. You know you've landed with the wheels up if it takes full power to taxi to the ramp.

11. The probability of survival is inversely proportional to the angle of arrival. Large angle of arrival, small probability of survival and vice versa.

12. Never let an aircraft take you somewhere your brain didn't get to five minutes earlier.

13. STAY OUT OF CLOUDS!!!!! The silver lining everyone keeps talking about might be another airplane going in the opposite direction. Reliable sources also report that mountains have been known to hide out in clouds.

14. Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of take offs you've made.

15. There are three simple rules for making a smooth landing. Unfortunately no one knows what they are.

16. You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck.

17. Helicopters can't fly; they're just so ugly the earth repels them.

18. If all you can see out the window is ground that's going round and round and all you can hear is commotion coming from the passenger compartment, things are not at all as they should be.

19. In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminum going hundreds of miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose.

20. Good judgment comes from experience. Unfortunately, the experience usually comes from bad judgment.

21. It's always a good idea to keep the pointy end going forward as much as possible.

22. Keep looking around. There is always something you have missed. Isn't that why they created checklists!

23. Remember, gravity is not just a good idea. It is the law and it is not subject to repeal.

24. The three most useless things to a pilot are the altitude above you, the runway behind you and a tenth of a second ago.

25. There are old pilots and there are bold pilots. However, there are no old, bold pilots.

26. When you are lost....Climb, Conserve and Confess. (Actual line from the U.S. Navy SNJ training manual.)

[TomcatViP]

Excellent 6SManu. Thx

Noobgutter is a must !

[6S.Manu]

Originally Posted by TomcatViP

Excellent 6SManu. Thx

Noobgutter is a must !

A little girl with a passion for warbirds who has a FW190's picture on the wall: pure genius.

[namroob]

I heard of someone who got accepted into the air force for pilot training. His granny was concerned about this and so gave him some excellent advice. "Just promise me", she said, "that you will always fly very low and very slow".