[whoarmongar]

I too have a historical document , a transcript of a meeting somewhere in France in 1940.
It was recorded and translated by a brave French agent in the days before babel fish or any other online translator programs thus the poor quality of the translation.


Adolf Hitler. Verdammit, the stupid english island monkeys do not know that they are beaten.

Wilhelm Keitel. Indeed mein fuhrer, our boys played a blinder, slipped around the defensive wall and gave them a good kick up the arse ! They never knew what hit em. The french went running home to there mommas and the English running for the boats crying foul.

Adolf Hitler. Ah Wilhelm what am I to do ? I never wanted a war with England. Why do they not see sense ? Shh dont tell anyone but I rather like the English, the british sense of humour, football, a world empire there is a lot to admire, why they even drink beer unlike those effete southerners with there poncy wine,why even the royal family is German.

Wilhelm keitel. Well mein Fuhrer perhaps they will now see sense, make peace and then we can sort out our easern problem afterall Churchill is a well known bolshovic hater.

Adolf Hitler. WINSTON CHURCHILL that is my problem, That fat alcoholic syphalitic jew lover is our problem. well lets see if he is shouting defiance when my panzers overrun his undefended country. Fetch me von Rundstedt.

Ah my dear Gerd how are you and how are my fine wehrmacht boys, not to tired I hope ?

Von Rundstedt. Nein mein Fuhrer. After a few days for rest and recovery the boys will be in fine fettle and ready to do mein Fuhrers bidding, and if I may say on a personal note mein Fuhrer im rather looking forward to going to the south of France and grabbing all the best bits before that jackal Mussolini joins the war and grabs them for himself.

Adolf Hitler. Actually Im not thinking south of France im thinking...

V.R. (interupting) But mein Fuhrer, we agreed it will take three months to move our armies east and by then it will be autumn, we cannot possibly sort our eastern problem before spring 1941 !

A.H. Nein, nein,nein. You will invade England and teach these tommies that I am not a Fuhrer to be messed with. The glorious wehrmacht will write another annal in history that will be remembered for a thousand years. We will be masters of not only europe, but the world. It is our destiny. Once England is bent to our will the eastern problem will be seen in a whole new light trust me.

V.R. But mein Fuhrer, there is an obstacle to our plans for world domination,the channel.

A.H. Bah its hardly a sea, more a mere ditch, hardly an obstacle at all

V.R. still mein fuhrer it is technically a sea therefore the navy must ensure that I can land my troops safely, otherwise I cannot guarantee the success of the operation, however IF my boys get ashore you can be assured we will give those tommies a good licking.

A.H Very well, Fetch me Erich Raeder

Erich, you have seen what my wonderfull wehmacht boys have achieved I have spent an absolute fortune building your nice navy and im sure your itching to show me what it can do.

E.R Indeed mein Fuhrer, I am certain that within 18 months we can bring the Britishers to there knees begging for peace and to be left alone. Why even as we speak Doenitzs U boat boys are sinking British ships at will and a nation as well as an army marches on its stomach. without supplies the Britishers are finished. They alone resist us, they have no allies and there colonies are to far away to be of any help whatsoever.

A.H. Eighteen months ! EIGHTEEN MONTHS ! We dont have eighteen f**king months, You will sail into the channel, deposit my army on the shores of England and this war will be over in eighteen days ! That is an order from your Fuhrer do you understand !

E.R. As you order mein Fuhrer, however I must point out that the british have a powerful navy and we can expect considerable losses that would hamper or even defeat our invasion unless...

A.H. Unless ?

E.R. Well mein Fuhrer, um er, well unless we can achieve air superiority over the channel that is. If we have air superiority then im sure we can land our armies, in fact im certain of it.

A.H. I have never heard such defeatist claptrap, I ought have you all shot. Fetch me Hermann Goring and get out of my sight im going for a piss.

At this point Hitler exited the room, however a whispered conversation between ER and GvonR was overheard by our agent.

E.R. What madness is this ? I cant possibly land your armies in england without suffering immense losses. but If I had said that it would have been cutains for me, XXXX what the hell are we to do ?

G.R. I know my dear Erich, it is madness but if I had refused to agree I would have had a "heart attack" and that blue eyed boy Rommel would probably get my job, that ambitious little XXXX would do anything for a promotion, I will have to watch him, however Im going to send him to some strategic backwater as soon as its possible.
As for this England Invasion we have only one hope.

E.R. And what is that ?

G.R. Dont worry Erich, Now we are relying on the luftwaffe and fat Hermann is bound to make a ballsup of it. We can sleep soundly in our beds, and so I suspect can the English, this invasion will never happen.